I was doing so well not thinking about things... okay, maybe not about things, maybe just one particular thing.. okay, so maybe one particular person. It isn't that I don't want to think about him, it's just that I get so discouraged by the amount we communicate and the hit or miss way he returns my calls/texts (always more miss than hit). I don't want to think about it so much because I know I always overanalyze and make things worse. I don't like that I need constant affirmation, but then again I don't think communication on a bi-daily basis is really constant affirmation.. honestly. I just keep telling myself to hold out til the summer, but who's to even say that being in the same city is going to change our patterns. It makes my heart hurt, really it does. He's the first guy I've ever cared about this way. He's the first guy I've ever truly liked. He's the first guy that I've allowed close enough to truly hurt me. I'm constantly terrified, but the way he makes me feel when I'm with him is something that I can't just put aside. I just really hope it all works out. It's turning into one big headache/heartache. A relationship shouldn't consist primarily of pining obviously, and it hurts to think that ours just might.
I'm in such a melancholy mood and I'm not sure why. My mood's been bordering on negativity on a regular basis lately and I'm not sure what's wrong with me. I'm so annoyed and I really want to chalk it up to PMS, but I'm not so sure.
I'm so frustrated and so annoyed and some people don't know the meaning of space. I feel like the worlds closing in on me and I'm not even sure that going home can fix this.
Okay, off to actually study. I'll be back with some positivity to cancel out this entry, promise.
:)
